Well, I guess I could talk about my new internship: I'm working at the Hudson Institute, a think tank with interests in national defense and free market enterprise based in Washington DC. Why does a film major come to a lobbying firm in DC, you ask? Simple: eventually I'd love to write and direct a documentary on the corruption in Washington, and the easiest way to do that is to "follow the money". And I've started here at the Hudson. Here's my intel so far:
The Hudson was founded by Herman Kahn, a futurist and advocate of nuclear game theory (a predecessor of Mutually Assured Destruction doctrine), whose controversial scenarios of nuclear war served as groundbreaking arguments for innovative strategies in national defense. Interesting, no doubt. But the truly interesting facets of the Hudson are, obviously, their monetary benefactors and the correlation with their policy stances. For example, the Hudson if funded by 4 major business interests: Big Pharma (Sandoz, Eli Lilly, Novartis, Cargill, Merck), Agribusiness (Monsanto, Conagra), Big Chem (DuPont, Cargill, Cyanamid), and Big Business (Fannie Mae, PriceWaterhouseCoopers, Procter & Gamble). Consequentially, the stances of the Hudson are favoring each of these interests: They support the growth of the market in all respects and, more controversially (especially in regard to Monsanto), they are opponents of environmentalism and organic farming. Monsanto's track record on agribusiness is shoddy, to say the least. A search will no doubt bring scores of articles outlining the abuses of Monsanto in regards to world food manipulation and genetic manipulation.
As you can see, there's always more than meets the eye. I'm still gathering more info as I go.
But I digress-I'll get off my soap box.
Lately, I've realized that I'm even more screwed up than I have ever understood. I compartmentalize my life into tiny little bite-sized pieces and simply remove them like dirty clothes whenever they need washing. I've never even had a discussion on how "my day was". I guess I just block out everything I don't need at the present moment. I can't remember the names of my friends from Freshman year, I don't even think about school when I'm not attending, and I keep no connections whatsoever with anyone I've ever known outside of wherever I currently reside, save for a few. I come home from work and erase whatever I've done for the day. I'm emptier than I thought. I guess the way I am mentally doesn't help my situation at all, but a life of separating each place I've lived with my actual life and relationships with family (the only constant I've ever known). I don't know how to have a friend. I don't know how to have memories. I don't know how to lay down roots in a location.
I know that I am destined for something amazing, and I feel like I'm wasting my time in mediocrity and indecision. I need to act, I need to break ground, I need to achieve. It's tearing me up, and I don't know how to make it stop.
Also, I may not be returning to Pepperdine in the Fall. It's just too expensive, and my family isn't uber-rich like the scores of kids that attend. I'm going to have to enlist in the military or find somewhere else to go.
How's that for excitement? Maybe my destiny is to be a war hero. Maybe it's to be a Hollywood actor. Maybe it's to be the president. Lord knows I'm confused.
Morpheus: Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Looks like the simple life isn't mine any time soon.
Also, GODDAMMIT Freddie Mercury.
